I'm aHodge Podge

What's UP?

2011-06-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hi There!

I've been pretty doggone busy in the last year, what's up with you?

I joined another step study, been journaling like crazy, started writing a book, started seminary school, never finished my craft room because my son moved back, and recently started house hunting.

My relationship with my savior has deepened and my Bulimia has improved. I'm still just one day at timing it, but it's good.

At any rate, I'm coming back to blogging, seeking to reconnect with the world and adding one more program to my plate. Thin Within has caught my eye and I am going to blog my journey. I only have 1 month left in my 12 step study and 4 more months of seminary, but I feel God has lead me do this. I'm very excited and hope my honesty will find at least one other to connect with.

Looking forward to this...meet me here!

Still Under Construction

2010-09-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

I still haven't completed my craft room. Apparently it was a much larger undertaking than I had first imagined it would be. I am loving the whole process, so it's all good. Thank goodness there isn't an open house in the next week or so.

Meanwhile I have continued to accumulate ceramic pieces that I have been experimenting some different glazes on and will get to see my new pretties next week. I tell you it's like a drug with me, only not as expensive.

Speaking of, well addictions anyways, I'm going back to CR tomorrow. In fact, I think we're going to make this place our home church and I am freakin' giddy with excitement. I just have to clarify one itsy bitsy thing first.

Oh, I heard this today & I have to share....

what does SOBER stand for??

Son of a B#@!%h everythings real !

HA!

Dreams

2010-09-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

I had the cooolest dream the other night and in light of my recovery.....it makes perfect sense.

I dreamed i was in a large church and during the corporate worship of God this man began to speak out loud in tongues. I have seen this happen before so that wasn't the shocking part. The shock was that even though i was completely aware that he was speaking in this 'unknown' tongue, i could understand him perfectly! I was totally blown away! It was like listening to someone speak spanish (which i think is my first language) it was so clear and it was so personal and it resonated so deeply in my heart that i just broke down in tears. Then another man stepped forward to give the interpretation and I was relieved i didn't have to. Especially when he started to speak because even though his version was pretty much that same thing i heard, he was able to say it with alot more eloquence, and big words, and theological presentation that i just didnt hear. I got more of the summed up simple version without the "thus sayeth the Lord", but nevertheless, I believe it was meant for me. You see it was a story about a woman who one day asked the Lord, "Is it true, do You really require part when we have so little to even give?" "No my child," God answered, "I want ALL of you."

There were parts of me before my recovery that I didn't realize i had control over. My life was by large a series of reactions, responses, impulses,& compulsions. In a nutshell out of my hands. I was too busy playing defense with the world at large to even begin to take control of anything and formulate a plan of action. I think this is why I have been Bulimic for so long. In this one little teeny tiny area, I had the illusion of control. Like the rest of my life, it was not real.

So here I am years later, I find a prayer journal of mine from 2006 where I'm asking God to help me surrender myself to Him completely, even my self-destructive behaviors. I couldn't even write down the word Bulimia even though it was my journal and my prayer to God. That is how much I was ashamed of it.

I still struggle with the shame, it's almost like the shame of being overweight, it's a self control issue and it's yucky. Lets instead talk about rainbows, and flowers, and puppy dogs. Ok no. This is real life.(FYI- i l.o.v.e. rainbows they remind me about God, flowers...i am a girls & puppies I have 2)

Today I am the woman in the message in my dream. God has taken me to places of acceptance, responsibility, accountability, clearing away areas that obstructed my view of Him and His true Greatness, so that every day I am able to truly surrender a little bit more of myself to Christ.

The Shallow End

2010-09-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

After spending some time in the 'deep' end of the pool, i've switched gears & have been spending some wonderfully wonderful qualilty time working on my new craft room. It was a blessing to move the boys up to their new rooms and to finally have a small space to call all my own.

First I started hanging up all my fabrics in the closet...

This fabulous idea was borrowed from my friend Gina at the Shabby Chic Cottage

turns out I had ALOT more fabric than I remember.?

Then I got a great idea from a co-worker for what to do with my ribbon collection...curtain rods. Well, not exactly curtain rods, but the same concept. I bought some threaded curtain rod hooks at Wally World for $.97 a package of 3 and some dowel rods for under a dollar each at Lowe's and vua-lah!

I spaced them out 6" and I thought 5 rods would be plenty, but like the fabric collection I also had ALOT more ribbon than I realized. My sweet hubby ran right out to get me another dowel and set of hooks but.......

Just like i underestimated the amount of my fabrics

well,

back to the store!

When Worlds Collide

2010-08-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have thought long & hard about writing this post, so here goes.

I have a total of 3 blogs, Ana's House Dressing that is about as superficial as they come (not very many posts there), 40 Year Old Bulimic that is super private, and this one. In working out my recovery I have come to a place where I feel it necessary to finally combine the three. They are beginning to overlap each other and as my fears subside, I see they are all parts of me.

The ugly one, Bulimia, makes me and alot of everybody else in the whole world, uncomfortable. It's gross, it's so very shameful, and it's obsessive even. Here's the thing though, it has been the one thing that no matter how many times I've tried to lay it down at the foot of the cross, I inevitably pick it back up, run & hide with it. I hoped I would one day grow out of it, but I'm now 41 and it's been 26 years. That's over half my life. I have lied about it like an alcoholic and in the process become such an expert in the practice of that I could teach classes on the art of skillful binging followed by creative puking.

This is who I've been. This is hard to type.

The week after the anniversary of my daughter death, I had an experience that I can only describe as the perfect storm. It is when all the parts of me finally collided with each other and the result was devastingly scary, yet there was something.

My doctor has started me on a new med that had a side effect of, well altering my tastebuds in a way. I can only describe it as I have become a very very very picky eater. The majority of food simply doesn't sound so good anymore and has about as much appeal to me as cardboard. I didn't realize this at first, so when I had experienced a highly emotionally charged arguement with my beloved

just a few days after the anniversary of Bri's death, my knee jerk, no-thought-involved-reaction was to go directly to the fridge. I didn't even pass GO or collect my $200!

So there I was staring at little chocolate lava cupcakes and regular cupcakes for pete's sake, and all I can think is "Naa, that doesn't sound good". Next the freezer, oodles of ice cream (a freakin' pleasure to throw up I might add) and again, nope. Lastly I go to the pantry and when I again strike out, I took a pain pill (as i was bawling my head off by now) grabbed a cigarette and went outside to cry. My whole world just fell apart and I was grasping at straws but finding nothing!

I felt weird inside. The next day I was numb, I don't remember much just that something just felt out of place. I saw the marriage counselor who suggested I keep a binge log. Just a notebook to record what i feel when i....you know. Ok, whatever. Still numb, but starting to feel some anger now. This is about the time I figured out the medication was changing my tastes because pop tasted horrible to me & i so googled it. I felt a sense of betrayal, like i was stripped of my superpowers. This is what I wanted....RIGHT???

Next day I was definitely all out angry and at this point feeling something I have not felt in YEARS, self loathing. So at this point I began to deliberately plan my binges by going to the supermarket with the sole intention of buying only the stuff that sounded good to me. For 2 days I binged and purged with so much anger & self hatred that I wished i were dead. I have not thought about suicide since my daughters death, and this scared me a bit. Don't get me wrong, I know I cannot take my own life because it isn't mine to take. God is sovereign, i get it, but i wished so much that i could be dead because i hurt so bad . I have no idea how I functioned at work on Friday, maybe years of being fake?? ya think??Saturday morning I woke up and cried out to God that no matter what, I needed to get out of this pit this day and i needed His help to make it possible. This was my #1 priority for the day that morning and i wasn't going anywhere until God pulled me out, everything else was set aside. Armed with my bible, my laptop, my journal,prayers and worship music, i began to fervently seek Him and focus on Him as best i could through the fog.

I did get delivered that morning and I found relief in His peace, but the battle had just started.

Thank goodness i know the One who runs this place and how this story will end.

That was 4 weeks ago and I have been taking it one day at a time since.

No more suicidal thoughts since, no more binging anf purging, but very very vunerable, very naked very scared, but ready.

I am in the process of setting up a craft room for myself, my husband and I are reconciling with the help of a wonderful Christian counselor,(yes, it makes a tremendous difference) and i am learning to walk again.

Thanks for letting me share.

Eve

2010-07-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

This, the eve of the anniversary of my beloved daughter's death.

This the last day she spent on this side of heaven with us, her family. The last night I would hear her sweet voice sing.

My husband and I had taken a bold step that day and we ordered a natural remedy that had lots of promise. So much so that I remember sitting on the floor next to the couch and telling her about it. I asked her which part of her body she thought she would be able to use first, totally expecting her to say the last thing she lost use of....
her arms.
"I'm going to walk, mom!"

Her boldness in faith never ceased to amaze me, not then on the eve of her death. Not even today as I remember her precious eyes lighting up as she proclaimed her desire six years ago.

That night her baby brother, my last child, spiked a fever with no other symptoms. Since my oldest son had left with my family to visit everyone back home in Oklahoma, I had decided to sleep with the baby in his room so as to not add a virus to my daughters plate. She had been sleeping with my husband and I in bed so we could tend to her throughout the night. I let my husband take her as I kept the baby and any germs he & I may have away from her.
I cannot tell you how many times I have wondered at this.
Was I being spared something that would have scarred me for life? Was it something special God wanted to give to my husband?

I wonder because my son never spiked another fever, he never developed any other symptoms.
Just that night.

Have I mentioned I don't believe in coincidences?

She didn't die that night, she didn't die until 7:30 AM the next morning. A whole world of happenings went on between the night we all went to bed and the morning I awoke to Rob's yells that erupted into a scream ripping from my body before I was even fully awake. There was only one reason he would be yelling and I registered this in my mind before I was completely concious.

I don't know if I will be able to share all those events in detail. It's a wound in my heart that has an abilty to bleed still.

I share all this because today I had a conversation with a coworker who has experienced great loss as well and is a fellow believer. I asked her if God had shown her anything about death after her husband passed, and long story short the answer was no. It has been longer that my daughter's death and even though she stressed that she never got angry with the Lord and undoubtedly stayed loyal to her God, she could barely hold back her tears as she let me know that she longs to know her loved ones were still "here".

Looking into her eyes I knew, just knew that I need to share what God has given me.
I dream of my daughter, I have my beautiful memories of her, and I ache for her on certain occasions. If not for everything the Lord showed me, the revelations, the eye opening rhemas, the love, grace, mercy, comfort and mostly His Neverending Faithfulness. I would've never made it. Even when my daughter passed from this life into the next, maybe even especially then. I don't state this lightly.

She needs to know that God didn't fail, (we would never admit this but I promise you we all think it ) she didn't fail, the devil didn't take him away and faith didn't come up short.

How much faith does it take to heal cancer?

A mustard seed

I couldn't immediately recall the wonderous details of my journey with the Lord after Bri's death as she poured out parts of her heart. The fine points can't sift through the dense emotions I am experiencing right now, but this solid fact I hold true like a torchlight....God is Faithful, God is Good. In this I find my rest.

He is True Respite.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:8 NIV

Hanging In There

2010-07-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

I'm doing well, considering. I so have a long way to go in my recovery, burdening others with my 'stuff' is one of the areas I really need to work on.

When my memories started bombarding me on Saturday, I told NOONE,I just didn't think it would do any good to bring someone else down with me.
By Sunday I hardly wanted to get out of bed, so that's when I posted what I did. I then shared it on my FB wall so that if someone was so inclined to join me in my grief, they could just read my posting without my shoving it in their face.

The outpouring of mercy was just more that I could've ever imagined.

What's more, I felt so incredibly better after I posted. Even before 1 single comment, my weight was lifted. The well wishes and prayers were the absolute icing on the cake!
There really are a whole slew of wonderful people in this world, and I am especially proud to call them my friends.

I felt so much better, in fact, that I painted a couple of tassel topper last night after work.

This little fellow was my favorite by far!! I tried to reproduce a frog my dear friend painted in a much larger version for a craft show in April.

I took the pic with my phone, thus the high quality detail you see above...

Thank You All,

My Annual Countdown

2010-07-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

For 5 years now on the anniversary of my sweet daughter's death, for some reason I am emotional the week leading up to it. She died on July 22, 2004 and like the original date, it falls on a Thursday again this year.

I haven't shared my anguish with anyone until now. Everyday I remember. Her last Sunday, for example, we went to church in the morning and got to meet personally the pastor's wife for the first time. Later we went to the zoo with my family who was in town visiting, then shared a meal at a BBQ joint close to our home. She has no more appetite at this point and we had just convinced her to let us put diapers on her because it was so painful for her to sit on the toilet even though she was on a pain pump. She was 6 years old so she was incredibly embarassed about the whole thing. I think some of her organs were beginning to shut down by this point because she was having trouble trying to even go to the bathroom. She was no longer walking at all, in fact it was to painful to even put on shoes since her legs just dangled off her wheelchair, so we covered her feet with pretty socks that didn't weigh anything. She could still move her arm at this time, but she had started feeling a burning sensation in her hands and we would gave her some baby washcloths soaked in cold water for her to hold and alleviate a bit of her discomfort. I still have one of her washcloths tucked away in my bible to this day.

This is my little girl giving my brother a big kiss. Her face lit up when my family showed up. At the time they lived 400 miles away. You can see her holding one of the washcloths in her hand there.

She slept alot, laughed alot and cried out in pain whenever she needed to change positions and we had to physically move her ourselves since she was unable to do it alone. We read scriptures over her constantly, i sang songs of worship to God with her, she loved to sing, and we watched ALOT of movies.

There was a breathing machine that we had to ocassionally put on her to help her a bit. It was huge and heavy so it was kept by either the couch or the chair she spent most of her time in. Despite her pain, her spirit was always so sweet and mindful of everyone else's needs. She must have been loaded most of the time because she was on a morphine pump, but all i noticed was that it caused her to doze off every now and then.

I also remember a waitress bringing her a milkshake at the BBQ place when she didn't want to eat anything, and my little girl just went on and on about how nice that was of her. It really touched my daughters heart and after she passed, I took her a card to let her know how meaningful her act of kindness was to my girl and how she died only 4 days later.

This was at the zoo that day. She wanted her picture to be taken with the white leopard in the background.

We sat her on a pillow and rolled up a towel between her legs to keep them stable to keep her pain to a minimum. You can see she had full use of her arms and hands still, and she smiled.....

Thanks for letting me share a little of my pain with you, it has been especially difficult since my husband and I separated, and he's not speaking to me right now.

Therapy Going Well

2010-07-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

Retail therapy that is....

Oh my it happened again! Went to the Habitat Restore and this time I came out with this:

The valance do-dad.

I want to put it over those three windows you see in the back there. I already have the fabric for the cutains I was planning on putting up. It has to be cut down a little first, but fortunately the valances have enough fabric to recover the whole thing.

the best part is that it only cost me $4!!

You can't even get the wood for such a project for less than that.

I promise not to make anymore purchases until the current projects are all completed.

Maybe.....

Projects, Projects Everywhere

2010-07-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Ever buy more stuff for projects than there is time in a year to do?

GUILTY

If I didn't buy a single bit more of trim or toppers or fabrics, I would still have plenty on hand to keep myself busy at least until the end of this year. This is what I tell myself when I am tempted to even look at more stuff.

Sadly,(for my budget) it doesn't always stop me.

Take last week for example, I was talking to my best friend on my cell when I decided to go to my local Habitat For Humanity Restore. Just hoping I would find a pretty bathroom vanity, instead I stumbled upon something I just had to have right then and there.

I couldn't get off the phone fast enough as i rushed up front lugging this beautiful chandy eager to wheel and deal!!

Sure there are a few ornamental pieces that need to be epoxied back on which I pointed out to the clerk as i asked how much they wanted for it.

Guess how much I got it for?????

can you blame me for throwing out all my reservations and whipping out my debit card faster than you can say, "I'll take it!"??

and the best part is that every last one of the swirly broken off pieces were inside it!!

I think this could be considered an important part of my recovery....

retail therapy!!

Time for God

2010-07-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks I have been caught up in a whirlwind of starting projects, finishing bible studies,

visiting with distant loved ones,

and in the midst of it all still walking out my recovery and restoration with God.

I have made great strides in my healing, any I am truly enjoying the day by day "Aha!" moments as well as the mudane 'breaks'.

Then last week I started waking up 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. Not that I actually got up, I just was awakened and talked myself into going back to sleep. After the second day I started getting hip to what was going on, Someone was wooing me. Sadly I was WAY too tired to get up...I make really bad choices when I'm half asleep.

Today however, I got up and I really felt the urge to pick up in Ezekiel where I had left off. Not that I had given up my daily readings, I've just been following one of those handy dandy read the bible in a year lists that has me jumping around the bible. Yet something magical happened when I started in Ezekiel again. Right now it is one of my favorites. I have at least a dozen 'favorites' ,they change more often than the seasons.(pun intended).

Am I glad I did just that. There is a marvelous beauty when what the Lord has been showing you in your everyday life is confirmed through His precious Word.

It takes my breath away.

To think I chose sleep over that!

Plan B

2010-06-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

So on my last post I shared with you the new comforter set I purchased online. Got and it was GREEN, I mean jade green, not even blue green. After the heartbreak, it decided to roll up my sleeves and go to plan B. Meanwhile I recieved an e-mail about the $20 Thomasville chaise, hopped in my car and came back with my find.

The fabric is hideous, but let me tell you, this is the MOST comfortable chair I have ever sat/laid on.

So how does one go about making their life over without spending any money?

"Shop your house" is an idea I first saw on the Nester's blog.

HHHMMMMMMMMM.........

It think this novel idea maybe just what the Diva ordered.

Bedroom Redo

2010-06-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Let the renovations begin!!

Last week I finally got my new comforter set in, the plan B one whenidiscoveredplanAwasgreen, not blue.

I Love it!!

It even came with 2 curtain panels. Since I like to layer my curtains, I immediately went out and bought some sale fabric and made a couple of extra panels and took some cream sheers from the dining room and added them. Unfortunately they were out of the valance to cover up that mess so I improvised. I ordered 2 more sets of the European Shams

and made my own valance out of them

Ok, ok, they are obviously too long, but they work!! I also plan on covering the 2 frames on the left with pretty coordinating fabrics, and for the right side I was inspired by Nester today

That is soooo pretty!

I'm also going to cover my headboard with the pretty blue fabric I used on the curtains. I bought a nice thick foam, I'm going to drill a couple of holes, cover a couple of buttonswith said fabric, hand stitch them and hopefully have a beautiful upholstered looking headboard when I'm done.

Stay tuned...this should be a productive weekend!!

Accident

2010-06-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

What if my recovery wasn't an accident, but instead something that resided in me waiting to be transformed and restored by God all along?

My need to please others had to be torn down and exposed for the fraudulence that it is. So that once the plucking and removing began, God could begin to replace it with a more concrete foundation, a reality that exists in Christ alone. That my "roots would grow down into Him and let your (my) lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Colossian 2:7 NLT

Maybe my mistake has been in the thinking God wasn't a part of my recovery when truth is this is His show and I was the one invited to be a part of it. To purge myself of self so that "He must increase and I must decrease" John 3:30 KJV

So I can shed the idea of living my life & instead embrace the reality that I am living the life He gave to me!

intentional

2010-06-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

This weekend I listened to a sermon that, quite frankly, rocked my world. I was not only inspired, but convicted and encouraged by this God i serve and His Word.

There was a season right after my daughter died that i finally shed all my pretenses and humbled myself before this Almighty God. It wasn't long before I was on FIRE. I don't mean spiritually pleasing to everyone, but quite the contrary. The things I was learning from the Lord were so far out there it made most people uncomfortable. I even questioned my own sanity on occasion because my thinking was turning so radical. But inside I knew, I was living, breathing, depending on Christ for my very life. He was my respirator, my oxygen tank from which I drew breath. This life support that Jesus became for me was the absolute ONLY reason i lived on, because all of me died with my daughter. Yet the depths in Him he took me to, were so life changingly incredible, He infused my veins with a fire to live....for Him and for Him alone.

This may sound harsh because I do have a family, but my pain was greater than them...and only my God was greater than my pain.

The saddest part of this story up to now isn't that my daughter went home to be with Jesus, or that we came to financial ruin and had to begin all over because of the debt we incurred during my daughter's illness. No, the real tragedy is that I begin to listen to other people when they would say things to me like, " have you heard of being too heavenly minded to be any earthly good?" or when the director of a women's ministry quote out of Psalms the scripture about being zealous without knowledge.

If knowledge quenchs the Spirit, and i sit by as I watch my flame become more and more extinguished, and instead of screaming NOOOOO!! i let myself fade into my background until you can no longer make out who i am from the rest of the world, then shame on me. Shame, shame, shame on me.

I am publicly repenting right here and right now and I'm have decided to live intentionally for the Lord every minute of every day from here on out. I want to depend on Him and Him alone no matter what that looks like or who that puts off. I know we like our little bit of Jesus, but I pray that i will desire Him far more than even money to feed my family.

My recovery is still very important to me, but I do not want God to take a backseat while I figure this stuff out. I need His eternity in my present.

I want to breathe Him.

The Art of Perspective

2010-06-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

Daily I find myself working on my recovery, whether I choose to or not. Mostly, I choose to...consciously, based on my decision to not live the way I had been living up to now.

Sometimes I wish I was done with it, and moving on to less earth shattering subjects. It's been almost 2 years now, but seeing how I am a middle aged woman, well, it took me quite awhile to get here to begin with. So today I will remind myself this is a process, I can go from A to B instead of jumping ahead to Z. Plus I will remind myself that I can still enjoy myself and my life today while going "through" it. My perspective is constantly being readjusted to the point that some days it's as fluid as liquid. Other days, I just want to camp out on my most recent revelation and not move an inch.

I am getting healthy, and knowing that makes me feel good. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. It is a lovely thing to to begin to experience a sense of balance in all these areas of my being.

The best part, it is genuine this time. I'm not needing a 'quick fix' anymore, I may want one, but I am surviving this whole one-day-at-a-time. I know now that superficial self-confidence has a foundation of ice . It can be crushed so easily by any external circumstances in the blink of an eye. I have instead been substituting this thin veneer that by all appearance exudes strength for a deliberate resolution grounded in God's word. There is peace in that. Unfortunately this change in my mind-set is slow going. It is such a blessing when I find myself reponding from that mind-set as opposed to fear or emotion or that incessant "need to please and anticipate what they want me to say" place

Busy Weekend

2010-06-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

I have had such a wonderfully productive weekend!! I worked on tassels, alterations, and household chores that seem to be endless sometimes.

Anyway here are some of the fruits of my labor..

As you can see...I have had alot of fun!

How was your weekend?

I WANT TO WIN

2010-06-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

One of my favorite decorative trim sources Warehouse Fabrics is having a $50 giveaway.

Shameless as I am, I get 3 additional entries for posting about it.

HA!

Oh, and as for the transformations going on here at home, all is well.

I am redecorating as much as my singlemom status budget will allow, but I do love HSN's flexpay!

That technically is not a credit card, but just to be safe, please don't tell Dave Ramsey.

Here's one of my projects

I bought this chaise on Craig's List for $20 !!!!

This is the lucious chenille fabric I purchased to reupholster it with.

I can sew, so I figure it'll be a cinch, right?

Will let you know, maybe a DIY post?

Oh the lengths I would go for some good blog fodder!!

Life Is Good

2010-05-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Oh happy day!!

Recovery is not just a nasty painful word, it is so freeing!! That's the best summary I can offer

My husband and I are still split up, but I am feeling so confident and on the path of I can be happy once more. I have been wanting to redo my bedroom for a year now, but I felt so guilty (and fickle) because we've only lived in this house a little over 2 years so I barely broke in the stuff I already have in there. Well, guilty no more, I have started the process !! I splurged the other night and bought a whole new bedding set with matching curtains and valances. I am planning on swapping out my king size bed for a full size so I can make more room for really important things like a chaise lounge ( I have always wanted one since I was a little girl), my sewing machine, my books, my crafts. Pretty much a feminine sanctuary for me.

If you recall from a previous post, this is what my room looks like now.

I am going blue y'all! here's what I bought

and here's what I want to do with my armoire

I am so ding dang excited...I'm beside myself!! I will take lots and lots of pics so I can share this process with the world. A wise young woman once told me it's not about the finished work, it all about the process!!

Aftermass

2010-05-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

I think the time has come to 'come out' if you will. I know alot of you are probably thinking I dropped off the face of the earth,I kind of have.

My husband and I have been separated for a month now.

I know, I know, I'm still in shock myself. As weird as this next sentence will sound, I believe God orchestrated this whole thing.
Before anyone freaks out, let me explain.
I was just like you. Everytime I heard a woman talk about divorcing her husband being God's will and all, I would roll my eyes internally and think, " I don't know what bible they're reading but mine says God hates divorce.". In fact a week before this all happened, I was having lunch with friends and I literally said that I would just as soon kill my husband than I would divorce him because I now understand what it is to bail out on a situation or stay in order to please God. Someone at the table laughed and remarked how that was more biblical.
No, my husband wasn't with us.

Imagine my shock a week later. Talk about being humbled.

I know that the events that took place couldn't have occurred without Divine intervention. No one has said 'divorce' yet, we just cannot live together right now. In a way I think God HAD to remove each one of us out of each others way.I know he was blocking me , so I have no doubt I must've been blocking his relationship with our Lord.

I am still reeling from the events and am finding myself go through the motions alot physically but not mentally.
I am also beginning to wake up out of my stupor a bit.
I have discovered a wonderful pastor online in the midst of my misery, Francis Chan. I love how he cuts right through all the bull and goes right to the heart of the manner. I have found comfort once again in the one and only Comforter.

I have plans of completely redoing my bedroom soon so that will be great fun to share.

I have also rented wall space at a high traffic antique/craft mall in Jenks, Oklahoma. SoIi have plenty to keep me busy.

Could I come up with 1 more random thought??
I would greatly appreciate your prayers, will keep you in mine.

Blessings!

Tassel Linking Par-tay

2010-04-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

The Nester (the original tassel making diva herself) is having a Tassel linking par-tay!!!

You already know how I feel about tassels...so without further ado...here are a few of my favorite things!!

Oh and here's a link to my Etsy shop

MIA

2010-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Don't fret, it's not my son....it has been me. I have been spending alot of time in Ceramicville and Tasselland getting ready for an upcoming craft show.

In an effort to display my tassels in various ways, I did manage to paint an old lamp that was sort of weird...I don't know how to describe it but I think they were going for some animal print. What animal....you got me...?? It was like Tim Burton weird.

Is it Giraffe?? Leopard?? Monkey?? It almost looks like they were trying to antique it and something tragic happened instead.That however is not the case as the shade that goes with it is also suppossed to be some sort of suede reptile skin look that you don't notice until you turn the lamp on!!

I got it on sale.

A little paint, a little patience and voila!

I antiqued it for real this time.....no really I promise I did!!

Ok big whew!!

So while I'm painting, a conversation starts up about who is the best artist in our family. My youngest son who has never seen my 'artwork' because all my sketches are B.C. and lets just say a wee bit explicit. I was very symbolic in my artwork and no doubt a psychiatrist would have a field day decifering the stuff in my head that came out in my work. So I pulled out one of the only drawings I had left to show off a little

my son was speechless....

Spring is in the Air

2010-03-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

So many things happening of which my favorite would be spring is in the air.Yeah!!

I, like so many of you, am sooo ready for it too. April is around the corner and with it a promise of many new opportunities. On the 24th I will have a craft booth at the annual Jenks Herb and Plant Festival with my close friend and cohort. In fact today we had a mini shopping spree at a ceramic shop full of beautiful greenware that will be fired and ready for us to pick up next weekend. Nothing excites me more..

I also begin 'dating' new churches in the morning and that is full of prospects as well. At the top of my list is the church where I was first introduced to CR. That fact alone...well , just speaks for itself, still it is a very big commitment and I must be absolutely sure. As sure as one can be.

I am also planning to attempt to reupholster my man's chair this month and God willing document it all for your viewing pleasure.

I must leave you now because I need to get back to Persuasion.

His Will

2010-03-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

Well the giveaway at The Stylish House has ended,

the winner was Sara Norris LTD,

but there is another one coming up at The Shabby Chic Cottage. If you missed the chance to win one of my tassels there's one more chance. This time it is Winner's Choice so head on over to Gina's blog and enter to win.

All weekend I had been meaning to blog, but the only news I had was the weird weather. If you live in the midwestern region of the country, you know what I'm talking about. Not wanting to risk sounding like I'm 70 years old (giving you up to date weather conditions), I opted for NADA.

Today however I have a pressing need to expose and examine a couple of points very dear to me.:

The decision to leave my church has been a very intensely personal one of which I continue to mourn.At the same time to join a new church will be a task I cannot take lightly as this is a very real part of who I am & how I define myself.

I am today pondering the actions that took place preempting my choice to finally break free. Out of my pain it is way too easy for me to 'villianize' the offending parties, but I cannot blatantly state that they are NOT doing God's will. I was reminded this morning of the beloved story of Joseph. In his innocent zeal he told his family, on more than 1 occasion, of his dreams where they were all bowing down to him. Was his ego inflated?I would be foolish to believe it wasn't affected to some degree. Was this why God had him endure the many trials that awaited him? To let him fall low so that God can raise him up? Or perhaps God revealed these things to him early to set an already determined path into motion that would find Joseph humbled before he is exalted? Either way I keep thinking about Paul's letter to the Romans when he states "Therefore God has mercy on whom He wants to have mercy, and He hardens whom He wants to harden." Romans 9:18
If we look at those who make our road appear bleak, who may even place barriers in front of us, as not "in God's will", then we may miss the invitation the Great Conductor has orchestrated to"raise you up for this very purpose that I might display my power in you and that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Romans 9:17

I am still nursing my wounds and the pain has not faded entirely, but I can today embrace it whole-heartedly trusting my God knows my destiny and I can willingly lay it down letting Him lead me by my right hand.

Spring Inspired Giveaway

2010-03-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

I know I mentioned this giveaway yesterday, but now I have pics!!

Here's all you get:

Retro Rabbit Tassel

Red Pin Strip Apron

(2) Cute Chickadee Dish Towels

Beanswax Field of DreamsYankee Candle

Red & White Tweet Retreat

I have her blog icon over on the right there for The Stylish House. Just click, leave a comment and possibly walk away a winner!! How great is that?

Who doesn't love FREE and EASY!

Emerging

2010-03-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a week.

I laughed, I cried, I journaled, I hibernated, I made life altering decisions, I reasoned, I talked and here I am. Oh, and I played farmville...alot.

So, news flash, I'm not perfect.

Now that you know, I can move on now.

So I made many tassels in the whole trying to make myself feel better stages, and tomorrow

The Stylish House

is giving away one of my tassels.

In celebration of this giveaway I'm offering all her readers 20% off anything in my shop. I am including all my readers in the sale. Pair that up with the free shipping I have going on and you could save

$$$ mucho mula $$$

If you've had your eye on anyone of my tassels, THIS would be the time to get it!

Now that the shameless self promotion is out there, thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts you have sent my way. It was really hard to get shot down like that, but I'm glad I at least tried. I have decided to not give up on my dream job, but to take an alternate route to get there.

I really learned alot about myself in this week.

And...I like it!

Failure

2010-03-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

"you're fiyaad"

We watched 'Up In the Air' tonight and George Clooney's job was to to let people go from their jobs for big companies...His most used phrase:"Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's *because* they sat there that they were able to do it."

I put myself out there and got shot down.

In this moment I am tempted to cry, to question, to grieve, to question, to hurt. I guess I missed something.

What could He possibly be preparing me for? If I'm even being prepared for anything...maybe I'm just being prideful. I never fit, anywhere. Why this road, what was it all for?

I Am Married to Ron Jeremy

2010-03-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

Porn-star Moustache :

A type of moustache which resembles a side-ways C with the points pointing downwards. Sometimes it only points down slightly. However, it does not point down past the mouth. The moustache does not cover the Common with porn stars, and also associated with policemen from the 70's.

This is my beloved.

This is how I found him when I came home from work last night.

I think I should explain.
Every year at the country club he works at, the boss leaves for a whole month to vacation in Hawaii. Every year the otherwise clean-shaven required for work employees (all guys) decide to not shave. Men. Anyways last week my man had shaved it down to a goatee, which made him look like a country singer.

Then this...

I told him he looked like a porn star (when I stopped laughing) andI have now proved it because I googled 'porn star moustache' and there was the definition I couldn't wait to post and tell the world.

As of this morning, it's gone.

My fun is over...
Oh well, there's always next year!!

Ol Anzine--ety

2010-03-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

So I sent the e-mail, and what can I say??

I am resting peacefully, the sun is shining, I have a song in my heart and all is well....

NOT!!!

this is more like it

seriously...

someone here at work actually drew this picture of me.

(no not really)

At least I am slammed here at work and that is keeping me distracted...

because I haven't heard anything yet.

Aren't you glad I took the time to stop and blog about it??

Staying Busy

2010-03-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged since mid-week and have I been busy..I have been networking, getting new advertising spaces, making new tassels, working on my Bible studies, and of course adding exercise to my day. I have also been working up the courage to take a big step and share a dream I have had for years now with someone who will either tell me I'm way off the mark, or guide me in the right direction.

Watching the Oscars tonight is inspiring in a weird way..so many people doing what they dreamed of doing. I am not getting any younger either.

I am so glad to have been busy creating new tassels too. There is a real reward to have this thing inside that you sit down to make and to see it all come together and out there..it's just, indescribable. I have so many more to go, but you know...it's just something to look forward to with anticipation.

Here's a few of those

And many more...

One of my tassels even made it to this treasury so if you have time, click on it because the more clicks, the better chance it'll have to make it to the front page of Etsy..Can you imagine?

So I only lost 1 pound this week, but I'm not at all disappointed. I feel good, really good. Good enough in fact to send an e-mail to the person I mentioned previously. My husband thinks I should make an appointment and share my vision with this person that I don't even know, but has the ability to soar me straight to the stars or crush my heart. I am not THAT brave so I'm going to take advantage of our remarkable technology and send an e-mail.I am nervous.

Pray for me.

Squeezing Time In

2010-03-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

Had to go to court today with my son, and after driving home with him, I let out all my frustrations on a bunny...

(no animals were harmed during this post)

I still had to go to work, so I just brought said bunny with me and here is the finished product..

I'll be posting her tonight on Etsy. She sure does dress up my cubicle though!!

It is a big step for me to create and not eat when under the influence of stress...the best part is that I lose all track of time and therefore don't eat either!

Baby Steps!!

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2010-03-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

I saw this last week on a blog I follow, and thought I would participate this week since pretty much random thoughts are ALL that run through MY head.

*****************************************************

Being "cool" isn't a social status as much as it is a state of mind...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wish I hadn't permed my hair

*****
I think when someone gives some else a compliment it says a lot more about the giver of said compliment that the one recieving it.

////////////////

I am grateful for my bloggy friends...

********************************************************************

Tassel, fringe, topper, painting...I wish THAT was my job.

!!!!!!!!
work, work, work

Diet Bliss

2010-03-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

Week 3 and this week I had to increase my mid-morning snack to include 1 carb and 1 more fruit because I started back working out on my lunch hour. I felt like I was feasting...seriously.

I was planning on just walking on the treadmill , too since I haven't been to the gym in 4 months. When i got there though, I saw so many fellow co-workers that I got back up on the elliptical to talk with one gal and I didn't die..

3 years I go to the gym on my lunch hour and always with the same small group. Now there's like so many people from work, I have alot more choices in who to hang with. I wonder if the fact that our company has decided to foot the gym bill for it's employees has anything to do with that...ya think?

Oh well, whatever it takes. So I come back from the gym and am supposed to eat about 15 minutes after, and guess what happened....I forgot. NO LIE. i'm not even on diet pills or anything. I think I was still not hungry because of the oatmeal. CRAZY. I am starting to love this diet thang!

FYI lost 5lbs last week. YES!

Hair

2010-02-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I cannot sing, so I'll be talking about actual hair today.

Since my last post was a little too deep, (my blog looked like a ghost town) I thought I'd go ahead and post about something really shallow and inpersonal to balance things out.

Today I am perming my hair....

As you can see from my cool webcam pics that I finally figured out how to use without help from my sons...

I have really long hair.

so here are my before pics...

~This is the ulta sexy during pic~

Would you believe my husband was kind enough to saturate with the stinky activator.

He is gold.

And this is after...

I tried to take a close up of what it cost me..it made some sores as well as broke that little batch of hair right in front. Guess I'll be sporting some unintended bangs in a few months...like I'm 12.

this is what I was going for....

maybe when I make a fortune and can afford her hairdresser..

I asked my little man to push the button to take the pic of my hair in the back, so he stuck around and goofed off with me...

I bet no one even notices tomorrow at work. Other than it appears to be damaged and a lighter shade.

Maybe I should stick to the deep end of life.

I Am Human

2010-02-26T17:43:00.000-08:00

**DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY**
not really..

This morning I was lost in thought about the path the Lord has led me on so far...in particaular this season in my life. I have stated out loud about how I felt as if, when I lived in Memphis, I was in a sort of Christian 'bubble'. Meaning that before Bri died, as you can imagine, I was studying His word and praying with a fervency.. not for one second allowing myself to believe she would die. It was what I had learned because you can bet that I went to every single Healing Class, healing revival, healing meeting that I could drive to with Briana in tow. I would not leave any rock unturned because even though she had a terminal illness, I just.could.not.go.there. That happened to other people, not us. It wasn't as if what I was gleaming from all these churches, including my own, wasn't backing up that theory as well. There are plenty of scriptures that attest to the healing miracles God can and does perform. I myself have experienced some through Briana that, would have made any unbeliever fall to their knees if they had been involved in our lives. Come to think of it, my whole extended family and one of my best friends are now believers as a result of what God did in their hearts during this time in our life. One day I'll tell you about it... in particular when a golf ball sized tumor began hemorrhaging in her brain once. Long story short, they said she wouldn't make it through the night, her oncologist was CRYING, and Bri walked out of there 4 days later...Wow, but I'll save that for another time.
If you think I sound a little bitter about the teaching, well just put it out of your head. You see, if I hadn't of given it all I had, the way I was taught you were suppossed to do, I may never have had the courage to go to God afterwards and demand (yes I said DEMAND...I ask you, what did I have to lose at this point?) what happened. What had gone terribly, terribly wrong...Instead I would have been lost in self pity about what I should have done and didn't ,to... who knows?? Can you imagine the guilt??I sure as heck cannot.
I. was. crushed. and only He knew the why..

So almost immediately following her death the Lord just wisked me away...truly, I began to study His Word with a whole new set of eyes. Sometimes scripture would just BLOW ME AWAY. I got it.. I finally got it. Not all of it of course, but He did put it all (and me) back together in a whole different light. I was way, way, way out there and I didn't wish to come back. Oh, I was still experiencing my absolute worst nightmare and it was 3 months before I stopped crying on a daily basis, but I was simultaneously being saturated with God and His Word, and His life...

I love art.

Ok so I was bursting after 6 months, literally bursting like I was pregnant to tell the world everything I was learning at such deep intimate levels. Especially those who have been schooled in theology to verify I wasn't koo-koo. I mean there were times I would be reading at night, because nights were the worst, and I would seriously want to jump to my feet and just run...run..and runnnnnn!! So He lead me to a bible study with a wonderful group of women. This is where my 'bubble' started and grew. I attended I don't know how many different bible studies because this was as close to seminary school as I would be allowed...have I mentioned I'm on my third marraige?? No ?? Oh well..I lived, breathed, ate, walked, and slept His Word. I was drenched.

Then we moved back here after 2 years, and I was forced back into the "real" world and my humanity.

It's not that I wasn't aware that things in this natural world weren't really working...strained relationships, my marriage was a mess, my kids, my addictions...I just didn't let what I thought I couldn't do anything about, get to me. I would just dive right back into Jesus.So it was He who burst the thing and now I was left to see that there really were a few things I could contribute to this life. I had swung from one end of the spectrum believeing her healing was a direct result of my actions ie. obediance, to believing we had control of absolutely nothing and that The Big Guy was the only One orchestrating this world. I still hold the contention that He can override anything we can do..hands down, period. I now see that He does want us to act as well.

So I started my recovery, and although I have so often missed being safe and comfortable in my old bubble, I can now begin to see that fruit of growing emotionally as well.

It all kinda goes hand in hand ya know..

I wonder if Jesus ever sat around feeling so totally human too..

He must of or else it would've been all for naught.

Healthy Woman Campaign

2010-02-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

I though I would post a quick update of how it's going for me, in case there may be 1 person out there interested...

As you know, I am trying to change my life, not just go on one more diet. Since I am in recovery I am trying to approach this as myself on the whole...thus my healthy woman campaign. Meaning I just want to live healthier not just physically..and I've decided to introduce each new 'healthy' behavior every couple of weeks so as to not overwhelm myself and quit. So far I started the Michael Thurmond Six Week Makeover eating plan and I have adjusted to it. Oh and I've lost a few pounds, won't know exactly how many until Sunday but there is definitely less of me. Do you know what I mean? Like curling my legs up in front of me on the couch, I notice my legs are closer, bending over to put on my socks and shoes..not so hard. Plus I went off the prescribed eating plan but ate sensibly this last weekend. I admit that I didn't weigh myself or measure myself before starting, I didn't want to know. I knew I was pleasantly OVER the last time I stepped up on the scale and that was good enough for me. I did go ahead and weigh myself Sunday and I am happy to report I am back to that very weight once more. Phew!!! Here's another observation, why does losing weight make me sooooo happy!??I'm mean it's a greater aphrodisiac than an aphrodisiac!! I also have no problem admitting that Mrs Dash and I have become quite intimate as this healthy eating kick is minus the salt...

So as this first 2 week interval comes to a close it will be time for me to choose 1 or 2 new healthy habits to better take care of myself...I was thinking walking daily for 35 minutes and using those disposable wash cloths-that-remind-me-of-baby-wipes every night to remove my makeup.

A few of you just swallowed your gum I'm sure....no I am not in the habit of taking off my make-up be glad that I am in the habit of at least putting it on!! I do shower and brush my teeth in case that was going to be your next question...

I will however welcome any and all good habit suggestions y'all might have because after these next 2 weeks, I'm done.

Bible study rocks...if you haven't done Beth Moore's Esther; It's Tough Being a Woman study then stop what you're doing and go here, enter your zip and find one close to you. It.Is.Worth.It. I don't care what religion you are, it'll change your perspective especially if you're (obviously) a woman.
Going to bed early is still a tough one for me, I have done better, but not yet hitting my goal, soooooo...Let me have it

Delay is the Deadliest Form of Denial

2010-02-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

This quote from C. Northcote Parkinson pretty much sums up my life, sadly. In fact the first time I saw this quote was at the end of an episode of 'Criminal Minds' if THAT tells you anything!!
So 1 week down on my healthy woman campaign and I'm still feeling pretty positive....sure I had to be tweeked Sunday morning by a sermon, like God told this woman exactly what to say so there would be no question in my mind who He was talking to!!!! Doesn't it just crack you up when God does stuff like that!??
Saturday night I was having a totally bummed out night. I went off my diet for the weekend, still eating moderately, but I had to feel guilty. That is how I roll. So you know how a small snowball just keeps growing and growing when it starts rolling downhill in cartoons? That is exactly what happened. I started feeling bad about the going off my diet and before I knew it, I was giving up on all my dreams and aspirations, blaming my husband for holding me back (as if thats not obvious), and ready to just live my days in utter misery. Then I woke up Sunday morning, got my reprimand (sweetly with hope I might add)and all is well again.
So what do I finally do?? I begin writing my guest post for HFH that they asked for ...ohh a couple of months ago..I should have won the gold medal for procrastination!!

To Blog or Not To Blog..That is the Question

2010-02-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

Why do you blog? And what are you uncomfortable blogging about?

This question was asked at one of my favorite Blogs, and I believe it deserves an answer.

I started off blogging because, like her, I am an avid journaler. I have been in recovery for a little over

2 years now, and when I myself went searching for online communities or just people to relate to, I didn't find that many in my particular area of recovery. My first blog is very personal, and intimate and 'nekked' if you will, so I like that it isn't public. A few people have found their way there, but it is always someone who is fighting similar demons, so I'm good with that.

This blog is more of a happy medium. A little personal, but light hearted and fun as well. At least for me it is!!HA!

This week I started the 6 week makeover plan that I bought from one of those TV infommercials. As for what am I uncomfortable blogging about, this would be it. I feel like I'm tip-toeing around a subject that evokes alot of different emotions in women. SELF_IMAGE.

At least we can all (somewhat ) agree that it IS important to us.Whether we just want to look cute in our clothes, want to feel better physically, or just want to be deemed a 'hottie', I believe it is unanimously a soft spot in most of us.
At this point in my recovery, I am excited to declare I have started my "Healthy Woman" campaign. It means to me that in addition to eating healthier and in a healthier way, I will start taking vitamins, go back to exercising consistently, I will continue to pursue starting a recovery program in my church, and bible studies. I am going to approach myself with my best interest at heart. That means going to bed earlier too.

I also had decided to try a little DIY project of using pretty scrapbook paper to dress up a picture my deceased daughter drew that I have framed. When I got out the paper, it was 12 x 12 and the frame is a 11" x 14". So it'll have to wait until this weekend when I can miter the edges of the cut strips and fit it behind her artwork.

So i pass the question on to you...why do you blog?

Happy Belated Valentines Day

2010-02-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

3 Days and a couple of dollars short....I know, I know...Blame it on my new diet, that's what I do

So I recieved the usual dozen long stemmed roses (sigh) he can be good when he tries...

Last night he put it in the center of my -centerpiece- on my dining table..

and ....**voila**

Loving it!

What did y'all get?

Quik Trip (people in OK will appreciate)

2010-02-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

I will attempt to summarize my mini trip to Wichita Falls Texas from 2 weeks ago...here goes

I drove for 4 hours and when I got there, I had to meet my son at a Sonic off base and he jumped in my car and we followed his buddy back. I took a quick snapshot of him in my car as we entered Sheppard AFB.

The boys and I were thrilled this was where we were being put up for the night. It was very nice accomodations.Very nice.

We attended a simple graduation ceremony in the Ammo building and took a few quick shots of the boys posing in front of various missiles...

now that's a phrase I don't use very often!

some unique artwork in the Ammo building that my son wants a tattoo of,

can you make out the word AMMO?

The drive home....he stayed up all night with the boys in his dorm since it was their last night together.

He will always be my baby..

Now I'm busy sewing.

It's good to be home!!

Ruffles, Ruffles, I (heart) Ruffles

2010-02-15T12:57:00.000-08:00

Not the potatoe chip either...

But these pillows are awfully delicious!!

They sell these yummies at Pier 1.

I wonder if I could make them myself....HMMM

I searched and found this pattern

It's like a have a sickness or something...

whatever you do...do NOT cure me

Me, Myself, & Sabotage

2010-02-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

A little dusting of snow is all we got....(phew) not like what happened down SOUTH of us, in Dallas of all places!! Now that the weather update is complete...

You may be wondering about the title of my post today, if you're not, leave me your name and link because we sooooo need to get our crazy selves together!!

Daily life, to me, is comprised of a series of decisions and their consequences.

For example, I have to decide whether to get up when my alarm goes off at 6:45 AM and not rush through my morning, or wake up an hour later and have to haul b**%$ trying to get little man & yours truly out the door.

That is my sabotage.

I saw a commercial where WW (starts with a W and ends with eight watchers) calls the sabotage hunger and has a cute little cuddly monster following various women around.

That's nice, but not true.

For me.

Sabotage is very much a PART of me. A better depiction would be a little monster that looks like me sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. Hey!! That must be where they came up with the idea of an angel and devil sitting on your shoulder in the cartoons I used to watch. Hmmmmm.

Sabotage isn't limited to just cheating on my diet either, it is constantly making suggestions to me throughout my day. It is my risk taker, my think outside the boxer and take charger!! Unfortunately, like it's name, it has an uncanny way of convincing me to also make bad choices. Am I an adult here or what??

How do I tame sabotage ?

Weather Forecast: SNOW . really.

2010-02-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

There comes a point when enough is enough..I thought I lived in the South (Oklahoma??), so what is up with all this weather?

I'm just saying.......

So I'm back at work after a glorious mini vacation, nothing big, just my oldest son GRADUATING from his AIT training at Shepperd AFB. It was actually quite nice to take road trip and check out the really flat parts of Oklahoma and the base was nice as well.

The graduation itself was a very informal affair due to the fact that they missed a couple of days of training(because of snow). Therefore they were pulling 12 hour shifts working all the way up to graduation time making it up. Doesn't matter, it was still worth it. I'm just so gosh dern proud of that boy.

So we drive back late Friday, thus wrapping up any leisure activities for me.

The weekend was upon me and being Superbowl Weekend there was much to do.All the fun things I had planned for myself just sort of flew right out. (sigh)

I did however finish projects I had on my TO DO list, so all was not lost.

I did attempt to wax my legs sort -of. I think I like it, just not sure how to deal with all the stickiness

I also made time to update my Face Book pic and thought it would be clever to have all my 'punks' in the photo with me. So we all assemble around the laptop webcam and please note the only boy who had the same smile in every pic....

It's nice to be in control....

We All Need a Little Sunshine

2010-02-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

Check me out!! I got a Sunshine Award!!

Thank you Jaime for thinking of me, and if you haven't been to her blog

Artsyfartsyme, then you are in for a real treat. She just happens to be the super talented mom of a 3 year old that designed that really beautiful 'Death Angel' montague that I have over in my sidebar there. She too has experienced a profound loss of a close loved one.

This week I was also assigned the task of finding my ~tribe~ by SITS. So in a way, I'm killing 2 birds....(kind of)

The rules for accepting this award are:

Put the logo on your blog or within your post,

Pass the award onto 12 bloggers,

Link the nominees within your post,

Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog,

Link to the person from whom you received this award.

I am happy to pass this Sunshine Award onto these great bloggers! (in no particular order)

1. DZ Fantasy- A unique artisan of gorgeous fiber fantasy sculptures that regularly features Etsy artists. She is a real gem.

2. Kristen's Creations- A home decorator that is so out of my league...she's the IDEAMAKER

(yes, I just made-up that word......visit her blog & you'll understand)

3.Laundry Hurts My Feelings- This chic is H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. period.

4. Sassmoth Designs- Another talented Etsy artist with an awesome sense of humor, very genuine.

5.The Introvert Mom- An wonderfully honest, down to earth mommy who I can relate to.

6. The Faerie Castle- Another mom that I enjoy keeping up with her daily joys and struggles.

7. Super Mom Place- The adventures of a self-proclaimed supermom, encouraging, uplifting, Christ-centered,

what more is there to say?

8. The Shabby Chic Cottage- Professional yet personable fellow Etsian that has the prettiest shabby chic decor.

9. The Magpie's Nest- This is the place to go for great links to tutorials, creative ideas, and a sweet friend.

10. Shelley's Swag- A practical blog with great tips, coupons, recipes...a great blog to 'hook you up'

11. Mommy Brain- Another great blog with great tips, giveaways,encouragement..

12. 'Manda Blogs About- Everthing, really..I love this blog and have had to bookmark alot of her posts so

I can learn how to update my own blog and keep it fresh.

There are several more that I keep up with, only I'm more of a cyber stalker...I don't comment very often and as I type this I am resolving to leave more comments from this day forward...after my nap.

Jaime was so correct in saying that it took several hours to post these awards..she makes it all look so easy!

In case anyone noticed, I haven't posted in a few because I had to head down to Texas and watch my airman son graduate from his AIT training and bring him home for a couple of weeks. I took lots of pics, so I will be posting those this week...again after my nap.

I do have my priorities.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!!!

Just Another Shout Out To Celebrate Recovery

2010-02-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

We watched another handy dandy testimony 'to go' tonight and there were a few things the speaker mentioned that really hit home with me.

He talked about when he forgave his wife, he never really processed his pain, he just stuffed it. This is so key with me because other than being a flaming co-dependent, I believe to an extent some Christian messages today encourage people to deny their pain as an example of the Joy of the Lord. Like, you're less Christ-like if you hurt and you think some things in life just flat out suck. So istead of being REAL with each other, we just all pretend life is fabulous while walking around everyone's elephants all over the room! (which is obvious to all but ourselves)

OK, I'm stepping down off my box now..something else that really resonated with me and made me feel all warm inside was when he said recovery is NOT a destination, but a journey.

Thank You.

Me, My Pretties and My Little Dog Too

2010-02-01T18:26:00.000-08:00

These past couple of weeks I have been out at the crafts stores with a sole purpose in mind...

Fresh new tassel toppers!!

I found a really pretty bird series new for this year.

And I've already gotten started on them.

There is just something marvelous about creating these little pretties

And here is my little dog too

He seriously sleeps like this, it cracks me up!

Just Chillin'

2010-01-31T09:34:00.000-08:00

Today we are still snowed in, so I am going to try and knock off a few things on my To Do list.

~TO DO LIST~

1. Make Tassels!!!

2. Sew alterations

3. Read bible

{i can't believe it took me three tries to come up with that one}

4.Laundry

5. Work on guest post for HFH

6.Do online taxes

{rough draft to see how bad it is this year}

7.Make Supper

8. Figure out how to finish changing my favicon

9.Figure out how to add a signature to my posts

Let's see how far I get today...

especially since this is foremost in my mind!!

{new tassel toppers}

What do you have to do today?

The Weathermen Are All High-Fiving Themselves

2010-01-30T12:51:00.000-08:00

All week long the news has been putting the fear of God into everyone in the Oklahoma area threatening
a terrible ice/snow storm to rival the ice storm of two years ago.

It worked too, people were crazy...

stocking up on food, double checking generators, buying ice melt by the truckload.....

Thursday came, and quite frankly..it was a whole lot of 'much ado about nothing'.

A little rain, and sure things above ground were freezing, but the road and ground were just wet.

Friday morning, just about the time that I started to finally dismiss

the whole terrible ice/snow storm notion, wondering how many jobs are there where you can get it wrong so often and still be employed,

it started to snow...

and snow...

and snow.

Some trees, sadly, couldn't handle the weight of more ice, bearly surviving it two years ago....

After an entire day of non-stop snowing, today I began having flashbacks.

Yes, he was at it again..I hate to admit it, but there's something about watching him in action..

that makes me so grateful...

we are married...phew..is anyone else noticing this heat wave??

Which reminds me...

little man is waiting for me so we can get started on the really important stuff.

Need to go.. I have an exigent rendezvous awaiting

Man, I love the snow.

Found A Great Etsy Giveaway

2010-01-28T21:33:00.000-08:00

As I was playing Farmville and checking out posts on different friends walls on Facebook, I spotted a great giveaway....

is giving away to 3 lucky winners

a set of the cutest coasters

or..

her precious scrabble rings!!

All you have to do is visit her blog and comment telling her what typre of drink you would put on those coasters.

She has several other ways of getting extra entries.

Yes, blogging about it would be one of those ways...

what can I say??

~I have no shame when it comes to giveaways~

I'm in Love...Again

2010-01-27T11:25:00.000-08:00

As I was browsing the various Etsy shops the other day, I became enchanted with a designers fabric.

Once again, I'm in love.

I'm not just talking about the flutters in the tummy sort of love, because hello, have you met me?

That's not my style.

I'm talking full out, obsessive, compulsive, stalking the internet until I find you and have you all to myself, sort of love.
Here's the object of my affection:

Isn't it soooo beautiful !!!

I see a purse, I see a laptop bag...

What could I use for the lining you ask??

Yes!!!!

I even see a coordinated wallet to go with this!!

In fact, I want to do this so much so that all the fabrics I do have at home mean NOTHING to me anymore.

Have I mentioned I struggle with OCD?? It's just all or nothing... feast or famine....black or white!!

Could I come up with anymore cliches?

The designer is Amy Butler, and why didn't I know about this before??

Need to go and make myself a sign...

'Will work for fabric'

Sheesh.... get a room already!!

The Big Game Last Weekend

2010-01-26T21:08:00.000-08:00

Once upon a Saturday, not so long ago...My little man was watching cartoons, when I noticed him running through the house..in fact he was running in a sort of circular fashion.

Down the hall...

Through the kitchen....

Right down the middle of the living room.......

Around the stairs...

and back down the hall again.

My bedroon is next to the kitchen at the end of the hallway, when I notice the TV in my room is also turned on.

Ironically with the same cartoon show????

"What in the world are you doing?" I call out to him as he zips right past me....

"i'm seeing what's on your TV to know what's coming on the big TV!!" he hollers back to me.

I've known for some time now that the TVs are a few seconds off from each other, you literally can see what happens on the TV in my bedroom a few seconds BEFORE it happens on the big TV.

So cute....

Then this past Sunday, I notice not only is the game on the big TV in my living room....

But it's also turned on in our bedroom.

Coincidence??

Hardly.

Belated Christmas Pics

2010-01-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, so anyone who knows me personally knows that at my church I am part of a praise dance team called 'For His Glory'..

We get to wear these wonderful double hoop skirt dresses and occasionally extra props like the angel wings and sparkly sequined vests...

I just L.O.V.E. the way the dresses flow...they're just so lovely to watch!!

If you're looking for me, unfortuntely I would be the gal sitting in the audience on this day, I had not quite recuperated from my galblaader surgery...otherwise...

I would have been one of the pretty angels in the back there !

Maybe at Easter??

Here's a quick pic of my little man playing a sheperd

He takes his role seriously and I love it!!

And The Winner Is....

2010-01-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

Ok..So if I haven't contacted you today...well I'm sure you've figured it out. I did contact one lucky gal today, Damla Kayihan and the tassel she chose is the Dark & Mysterious Tassel.

And guess where I'll be shipping this little pretty off too...

Istanbul Turkey!!
This is my first international shipment and I'm pretty stoked. I hope she sends pictures.

Thanks for entering my giveaway, and if you're interested in still getting that tassel in my shop, I want to offer everyone who fans me on Facebook 20% off!!

I wanted to share with you these pics I came across the other day of some tassels in action..

These were taken at the Dallas Market.

The room decor is wonderful...

But all I see...

Are big, fat....

GORGEOUS tassels!!

That Place...

2010-01-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

Before I get started on my post for today, I want to give you the link to my giveaway that you can still register for until this upcoming Friday. I was going to not post all week so as to leave the page open for all to leave a comment and get a chance to win, but because I am but human, I immediately started being bombarded with 2,398,523 things to post about! All of them notoriously entertaining and informative too. (Of course!) I have withheld myself long enough and now post I must....

So today I really want to share with you about the 'That Place' in my life.

A friend of mine that heads the Habitat For Hope foundation recently sent me a message requesting I do a guest post on their blog. She asks that we share about our experience of the life and/or passing of our cancer children and how God helps us through it. We met at St. Jude’s years ago and have been friends since, here’s that story in her words: Story

I agreed and now I will be taking a trip to my ‘That Place’, on purpose. Swinging wide the gate and just marching straight there with a purpose in my heart .

There are times when a song (or something) will trigger a memory...

And I find myself in ‘That Place’

Or I will have a wonderful dream about my Briana, and I wake up in ‘That Place’.

My ‘That Place’ isn’t all that bad, as I have mentioned before…I L.O.V.E. to remember her mostly because it reminds me that she was real and she had a great personality. Even so, there is always a bittersweet aftertaste every time I am there.

The other good thing about ‘That Place’ is that I know my Jesus is waiting for me smack dab in the middle of there. He has this uncanny way of adjusting my eyes, so I can remember there is more to this that just what is at the end of my nose. I forget a lot these days….

I am so glad He is not as shallow as I tend to be.

Do you have a ‘That Place’ too?

Make My Tassel-The Wrap Up & Giveaway

2010-01-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

This is the conclusion to how I make tassels & this is where the sticky meets the pretty.

After you choose which topper you're going to adorn, it's time to pick the color scheme you will be using. For this bunny I decided to use these pinks and browns and go from there.

I just happen to have the perfect yarn in mind as well. I use yarn to start my tassels for several reasons, for example there are so many textures and colors to work with. Also, since you don't even see this as it is the base for the tassel, it's really more of just a filler. I still try to be consistent with the colors, and it's fun to experiment with the zillions of different kinds of yarns that are out there.

Here is the size I have been leaning towards after using several different pieces of cardboard to wind the yarn around. The Nester does it like this I believe. So much 'handier' don't you think??Bahahaha!

On the left I start with the pretty brown, pink & green yarn...on the right I used textured yarn in colors of cream and tan.

I pick the ribbon for the top of the tassel then I go ahead and pass it through the center of the yarn loop tying if off at the top.

This is where I have to use my super expensive, high dollar trash twisty tie to pull the ribbon through the ceramic.

Let the gluing begin!!

I hot glue the top of the yarn loop where the ribbon is tied off, then I

go ahead a tie a knot at the top for a little added security.

I cut strips of ribbon to begin designing the tassel. This is where your creativity can really begin to flow. There are like 7,695,248 different ways to build your tassel from this point. As you can see I just looped my cut ribbons and glued them to the base. I sometimes add a little trim like the bullion trims before adding the ribbon but in this case I don't have any short ones in the right color, really it's all up to the artisan .

Here is where I begin 'trying on' different trims wondering which way I want to go. This particular trim works for me, so I go ahead and commit to it and begin to glue away...

Once again decisions...decisions..I think I got this....

Yeah...I'm good.

Now for all the time it's taken to walk through this..I figure I'll make it worth your while.

How about winners choice tassel giveaway??

Just leave a comment telling me which one is your favorite tassel in my shop and you can win it!

Please make sure there is an e-mail address or some sort of link so I can contact you.

Deadline is Friday January 22nd at midnight.

Good Luck!!

Tassel Making 101 part dos

2010-01-15T19:13:00.000-08:00

So I can't decide what to call this series of tassel making, thus the different title today. And I'm not going to lie and say this is the one I'm sticking with...you'll just have to come back and see what I make up! Speaking of lies...the other day in church we were being taught with the use of an acrostic, so for the letter A in M-O-R-A-L, we were told it stood for 'analyze'. My husband and I are the world's worst spellers, so he wrote anylize, I wrote anilyse....the only thing we were sure about was that we both got it wrong. So what does my husband, who loves himself sooo much write??......Ana Lies!!! hehe!

Sorry I got a little side tracked there...

Here are my ribbons. I just recently bought the plastic box on the left and I like it so much I'm going to get a second one so I can ditch the cardboard. As you can see I try to keep them somewhat sorted by colors. This is the best way I have found to help me pick what I need quickly.

This is just ONE box of trim that I have. I believe there may be about 3 or 4 in total. I see trim, I buy trim, because I love trim. Once upon a time,these too were color coded, but now that I have 5 metric tons of trim, that job has become too ginormous. (Side note: will be also purchasing more clear plastic tubs to store trim in this weekend) They are awfully handy dandy to see what I have inside.

Here is MY tool box with my supplies for 1,687 different projects I am randomly

working on at any given time. Whether I am altering clothing for co-workers or making tassels, these are amongst my most prized possesions. The dremel especially is my most favorite...

My dremel makes perfect little holes that I can pull the tassel trim up into and hot glue into place. Sometimes there isn't a clear hole to pull through, so this is where the other tools come into play..

I have several of these hanging kits and I really use those particular the little eye bolts on the right there.

I take these bolt cutters to clip off the excess length. This is also a handy tool for helping remove zippers from jeans, removing zipper teeth, and just about anything I have to do involving a zipper.

What does an eye bolt have to do with a tassel you ask??

In this case it worked brilliantly...I just drilled a small hole and super glued the eye bolt to the back center of these particularly sweet bunnies.

You'd never know they had a metal eye attached to their backside.....

Unless you're looking for it!!

Come back for the really sticky story!

The Making of a Tassel

2010-01-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hi All!! As promised today I begin my tassel making series. I'm sure everyone is just dying to know how to create such inspiring beauty....OK ..even if not here goes....

You may remember these sweet ones that I painted a couple of weeks ago. You could start off with just about anything your heart desires. Here lately I've been on more of a ceramic topper kick just because I love to paint them, but I do keep my eyes open for anything that inspires me.

Ok, I just love this bunny. I've painted him before, but that tassel just sold recently. This time I was in a greenish mood. I liked this color so much I went ahead and painted a rooster this base color. So this bunny is a tad on the LARGE side....but love is blind!!

It was starting to get dark inside so in an attempt to spare you guys anymore 'flashed' pics, I ran to my back patio and took a few last minute, before the sun goes down, pictures of my finished pieces.

As you can see I like to dry brush my pieces with an accent color. Again, this is just a phase I'm going through. I gotta ask...Do they look like farm animals on parade?? Just something I read recently...never mind..

Here's a close up of the rooster folk. The rooster on the left I did use several colors as the base, but then I dry brushed it with white. I love it. The one in the back I may be redoing. It isn't the green based one because that baby is all finished and posted as a complete tassel already in my shop. Sure does kinda look like him though...But with ALOT more brown...not so much the green...

And here's my finished Bunny. I dry brushed him with a sort of off-whitish-grey color.

Well, since the sun went down, I'll have to finish this with those pesky 'flash' styled pictures. Those of you who are professional photographers, from the bottom of my heart I am truly sorry.

Meet you back here tomorrow!

Journaling

2010-01-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

Sorry to post so late but true to my inner dorkness, I found out the hard way that the place I work

during the daylight hours does not have Wi-Fi.

I picked through a few scraps and cut the pices anywhere from 1-2" wide and roughly 5" long.

Then it's time to pick out pretty buttons.

I hot glue the strips to the binding,

then flip them back so I can attach the buttons.

Then I hot glue the buttons in place. I personally like layering them.

Voila!

If you like you can also cut the strips down a bit or even them up. I like them like this....It's more 'hodge podge' ! Bahahahaa!!

That stubborn inner dorkness and all...

Too Be Continued...

2010-01-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

I did finish the journal this weekend and took pics of the process, I will be posting them on my lunch hour so check back!! I also managed to make a couple of tassels this weekend, so this Thirsday I will post the making of a tassel as well! So many DIY projects....so little time!!!

Have a blessed morning!!

I Interrupt This DIY....

2010-01-09T10:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have something very important to share.

I got mail.

Oh I can't wait to show you!!!

This is from my very talented friend Jaime Haney over at Artsy Fartsy Me.

This is only the second piece I have bought from her.

The first one was a beautiful card Dancing Girl Card, but I already gave it away to my very best friend for her birthday.

I was saving this gorgeous frame for it. I just love pretty things that inspire me.

Now back to real life...

Need to clean up after our crazy family movie night!! At least there's no popcorn

scattered all over the floor...

I'll finish the Covering of the Journal today and posts the pics tomorrow.

Enjoy your Saturday all!

The Covering of the Journal

2010-01-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

So I started to cover a new journal and I took a few pics. It may not be perfect, but it's mine and I love it!

Here is the journal I picked up at Dollar Tree. It's cute but not my style......... for the last 32 years.!

This is the pretty scrapbook page that I picked up at Michael's.

Let the covering begin! Here I've only folded over the edges and creased the scrapbook paper to the width of the journal.

After cutting off the excess paper, I begin to crease up the upper and lower edges as well.

Here I cut slits in the paper to make little tabs to tuck into the binding.

I tried folding the corners like so in the hopes that they won't stick out this time.

This is the spray glue I use and this the the area I cover because it can get pretty messy and sticky.

After covering the journal I measure the inside cover and cut out card stock to place over the scrapbook paper edges.

Much cleaner edges this way, of course I put the side with the markings facing down.

The fun part is choosing buttons and fabrics to cut up that accent the scrapbook page well.

We'll 'cover' that tomorrow. Bahahah!! I really do crack myself up and yes I AM a dork and that's OK!

Amore

2010-01-04T17:13:00.000-08:00

I fell in love today.

I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did nevertheless.

Isn't he gorgeous?? He's not even my type...I mean, I have no roosters anywhere in my decor.

I went to the Ceramic Cottage today with the sole intention of getting a few more tassel toppers to paint. I painted the few I had around the house yesterday.

I picked out a few little ceramics, laid them on the counter, then continued browsing when I spotted him. Heart racing I just glanced at him," He is too big for my tassel creations" I told myself and I walked right past him. Then I remembered how he caught my eye a couple of months ago when I last visited. I made my way back to him, grasping feverishly at reasons why I should make an EPIC tassel to justify my purchasing him.

"Maybe they can pour a smaller version of him" my good friend recommended with a look of fear in her eye. Do they even make a furniture piece BIG enough for THAT tassel? I can't explain my feelings, I am drawn to him even though I know I shouldn't be.

They don't make that style of rooster smaller. My heart sank.

Mentally wringing my hands, I was going back and forth. I don't decorate with roosters but on the other hand, I can't stop admiring him. What if I just painted him and sold him as a ceramic.?! YES. Maybe J. and I could even make our own mold patterned like him in a smaller version and I could sell them as a set? (tassel and ceramic)

Now that I have him here at home, the only thing I wonder now is HOW should I paint him?
With acrylics making him look a little aged, weathered and distressed? Or use glazes and make him sharp and shiny? I am open to suggestions.

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From...Oh Whatever

2009-12-31T08:34:00.000-08:00

I shared a funny story about my little man on Christmas, now here's a fun one about my Big Man, also on Christmas..

My sweet, love him to pieces when i don't want to kill him, husband is a little antisocial. A 'homebody' if you will. He LOVES sports, TV, the kids and I, TV,the Lord,and TV. Not necessarily in that order, depends on the day and even season....football season of course. As for his TV, if it were up to him, we would not only have a TV in the kitchen but in the bathroom as well.
Just try and pry him from his chair before bedtime.

Then we had a blizzard.
All of a sudden he HAS to go to the store y'all....H.A.S. to. It's Christmas day I take my Christmas nap, play with little man, play a little Farmville, cook Christmas dinner all in my Christmas pajamas. Meanwhile my precious hubby is outside shoveling snow with a makeshift 'dustpan duct taped to the broom' shovel. Even contemplated going to our new neighbors and asking if he could 'rent' his shovel because guess what that husband was doing?? Instead ANOTHER male neighbor took pity on my hubby and brought over an old shovel of his. (because of course he too was outside shoveling) So my husband attempts to drive our car and gets stuck right in front of our home. My sons had to get dressed and go out there to push the van back into our driveway. He gave up for the remainder of the day, but Saturday morning, I woke up and he was gone. It took him 2 and 1/2 hours to get to the Quiktrip (2 miles away) and come back...and he brought back cold cappuccino and donuts.

Could someone explain this to me????

New Journal Project

2009-12-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

I should probably be posting this over at my exclusively nothing but home decorating themed blog, but I'll start with this one then maybe I'll just cut and paste!!

Modern Technology...gotta love it!

OK, so we were snowed in for a few days over the Christmas holiday and what do I go and do? I actually completed a project I've been wanting to make since this summer.

To cover a journal...because I L.O.V.E. journals...they're so....you know, personal! Right!

I am quick..I am.

I somehow stumbled upon this interesting artist in Australia (I just did the accent) (not my Spanish one) and she makes these gorgeous journals with hand painted/stamped watercoloury looking pages and adds the fabric and buttons. Well, I really wanted to make one myself, but by the time I made it to her Etsy shop with money to buy her supplies, she didn't have any of the pages left. So I improvised...I found cute scrapbooking sheets, darling vintage buttons from various estate sales, and the fabric...who doesn't have tons of scraps, left over from an alterations business and now sewing lots of cute crafty things, laying around.

Keep in mind this was my first attempt at actually making one of these, but I will be making a second one this week and taking you through the very simple step-by-step of "How It's Done" with a few improvements hopefully. Like the folded over edge on the corner sticking out and screaming at me!

I'm sure there's someone out there who does a way better job at covering journals, so please, if you're reading this, give it up! Inquiring minds want to know. For the rest of us, I'll take pics and explain the mess I make while I make it! Easy and cheap, just like my.... food!

I'm Dreaming of a White..New Years??

2009-12-28T13:24:00.000-08:00

OK first off, I have to tell you guys the funniest Christmas morning story. My little man has really gotten hip to the Santa thing. (He just turned 7) So on Christmas morning, after seeing all the gifts under the tree, I asked him to please go and wake up his older brothers so they can participate. Our Christmas tree is pretty close to the stairs, so as he passed by he shouted that he saw his name on a tag, to which he added, "I've been a good boy!!" genuinely thrilled. The whole way up the stairs he began chanting, "I've been a good boy, I've been good boy." I looked over at my husband who sympathized adding," It's rough when you live your life on the edge."

Now, for the snow blizzard of '09, don't laugh. We don't have a clue what to do here in Oklahoma when it snows. It snowed 8 inches so we closed down highways and called out the National Guard. Well I managed to snap a few photos of a van just like ours that bit the big one as we ventured out this weekend.

I mean...same color and all. I think this was God way of saying, this could happen to you.

Now they're saying (the weather people) that it's going to snow AGAIN tomorrow! We're all going to die folks! OK maybe not, but sheesh! Enough already...I have gift cards burning holes in my pockets.

When all this snow stuff first started happening and we kept periodically opening our front door to check how high it was getting, my little man yelled,"Holy cow, it's almost all the way up over our Christmas decorations" (inflatables)

"No Honey, daddy let all the air out when it started to sleet."

Snowed In for Christmas

2009-12-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

So on Christmas Eve here in Oklahoma it started to rain, which turned to sleet, which eventually turned to snow. 8" of snow to be exact with a 35MPH wind that made going out for last minute gifts stink. As evening approached we made the call that we would put off getting together with my family simply because it was dangerous and being on a budget, we couldn't afford any unforeseen problems that had a greater chance of occurring in said weather.

So here we are, a couple of days after Christmas and we're still stuck at home.

This is the view out my back door.

This is my little man and big man who ventured outside to play today.

This is the fort they constructed.

This is my husband chasing our offspring who is visibly growing tired.

Here they are working on their snowman.

All done!!

My big man swears little man has eaten half the snow in our backyard already, so to demonstrate their point....

How could my heart NOT pitter patter over these two??

Airman Arrives!!

2009-12-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

What can i say!! We've had a great day!! I can't stop smiling!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

My Airman is Coming

2009-12-18T20:55:00.000-08:00

My son is coming home from the Air Force in the morning to spend Christmas with us! To say I can't wait is an understatement.

I am so proud of my airman son. I'm proud of all my sons but my heart bursts with pride for what my eldest has chosen for his life. This is the best Christmas !

My Little Man is Seven Today

2009-12-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

Today is my little man's seventh birthday. He is the last of his kind as we are no longer prcocreating in my house, of course unless God directs us to adopt, but I hope not. I'm done. Anyways, my little man recently went to Woolaroc with his class and his teacher was kind enough to photograph him next to my father's stained glass window out there.

This is the outside shot, not quite as colorful....

Here is a nice inside shot, not real sure about that perma grin he's sporting there. Maybe he was getting tired.

Ok now i KNOW he's tired, veryy, very tired and i'm sure his patience is wearing very thin...

This is my very favorite shot, see my dad's signature and my little man's smile is genuine as well.

I know I've said it before, but I am so thrilled at this wonderful legacy my father left us of himself.

Supermom Feature

2009-12-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to be featured on this blog today. This isn't just a regular feature either, it's a little more detailed than your average question and answer format. I am so honored to tell my story and I hope that through my words everyone is able to see what a great and awesome God we serve.

Take the time and join her blog today because she is all about promoting God, His Word, and the everyday struggling mom.

Moody Monday

2009-12-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

I have had a bummed out weekend. I think being under the weather after my surgery had started to wear on me. So i slept, and slept and slept. It was difficult getting out of bed, let alone do anything. The good part is I woke up feeling great today. Who knew a gallbladder could be so much trouble?

So i went ahead and started yet another blog that is associated with my etsy shop. I'm not real sure what to share on that blog, maybe just the joys and pains of trying to start up a home business doing something I love.I'm open to any and all suggestions.

As for what i'm posting here today, I thought i would share with you all my handy dandy home made shadow box i made to display my shop items. I actually got the idea from a fellow etsian who pointed me to the website that gives a tutorial on how to make one.

That would be my little man's handpainted dragon in there. This is what the final pic looks like up close.

The End of Training

2009-12-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah!! I just finished my online training for my day job and I am glad. I actually learned a thing or 2.

Got quite a bit done today, The Shabby Chic Cottage is now sporting a button linking all directly to my Etsy shop. Gina, (her real name) designed my button and everything! She has such nice taste, in fact, I'm going to attempt to get my Etsy banner to match her button. So pretty!

I found some bunnies that are as of yet unpainted, that are sweet and small as well as a snowman or two that will soon become my newest tassels. I was seriously thinking about visiting the ceramic cottage Saturday. My little man loves to go there as much as I do. We love to pick out little pretties we can bring home to paint!

And the Winner Is....

2009-12-02T22:40:00.000-08:00

the winner of this last giveaway is....

*********Andrea@ A Dash of Parsley!!*********

woo-hooo~!!!

she chose my lovely Pink & Chocolate Birdhouse

congratulations Andrea!!

Happy Birthday

2009-12-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

Today my husband turned 47. No it is not a coincidence his birthday is 2 days after we got married. So far, he hasn't forgot. Interestingly, he has a good birthday if a have a good anniversary. We are soooo happy!

So i forgot to get candles and we had to use whatever we could scrounge up...this cake, that my hubby is diving into before his song is even over, is from a very good bakery here in town and worth ever single penny. In fact, as i waited for the gal to bring the cake from the back so she could ring me up, i almost bought him some Heavenly Divinity, some cookies, apple fritters, and canoli. Instead..i just filled out an application. Hope they call!!

These are the singers i hired to surprise him with. Two of which were more concerned with the whole 'sticking his finger in that delicious cake before the song is over' deal and the other, well, i dare you to find a teenager more in love...with himself!

Lord, let there be a bakery in heaven, calorie free of course!

Coming Into My Closet

2009-11-30T22:37:00.000-08:00

I just finished answering some fun questions for a feature a genuinely great gal is doing on me over on her blog. She asked to include some pics of works in progress and here's what I clicked:

These little pretties are really sitting on a shelf in my craftroom closet, just waiting to be finished. That frog is going to make a really cute topper....maybe something along the lines of Disney's newest movie The Princess and the Frog..?

Here' something from my very, very private collection:

I painted this when we found out Bri had cancer. I just sort of let out all my anxieties onto this. I had actually forgotten about having done this in 2000 until we moved here 2 years ago and we found this in our stuff we had in storage. My husband had it framed as an anniversary gift.

Amazing what little treasures we have under our own noses if we just took a little time to look!

The Man of My Dreams

2009-11-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Today is my 12Th anniversary. As i reflect on these past years and my marriage, there are a few conclusions to which I have arrived. The first is that my marriage (not my 1st obviously) has been a reflection of my life up to now in many ways. Take my recovery, i wish, wish, wish that i could say that i have been delivered and completely healed from a life long love affair I've had with food. The truth is, i really do have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes i stumble, sometimes I'm unsure of where i am and what to do, and sometimes i am SO secure and clear about the fact that I'm right where i should be.

My relationship with God is also very similar. I try so hard sometimes, sometimes not so hard. Other times I want to hide from Him and then of course very often i find myself time & time again running straight FOR Him.

Back to my husband....

Here we are, still very early in our marriage, unaware of the road in front of us. I must interrupt at this moment to tell you i don't really have big hair, i had just swept it over my head to the side to get it out of the way. Phew, so back to the show. He has been a stepfather to my older sons, together we had a daughter, survived her diagnosis, suffered a miscarriage, had a son, then we buried our daughter.He has been my best friend, my arch enemy, my greatest lover, my greatest heartache. I have loved him and hated him, lived for him and been willing to die for him. Well, one of us have come close several times. LOL!

The key element in all this has been, we just keep coming back.When all is said and done, we just keep on keeping on.

The biggest thing that has happened to us both and our marriage would have to be the Lord. He not only changed our individual hearts, but managed to knit them closer together to each other in the process.

When Bri was suffering in the last few weeks she was on this side of heaven, a dear sister came to visit us and her. At this point Bri was unable to move herself around on her own and with much, much pain. When the company came into the room to see her, one last time, my husband ever so gently while cradled in his arms, used his own body, his arms, his chest, to prop her up and move her so she could receive them with some sense of dignity. My sister later told me how much this scene moved her, because it was a beautiful example of what the Holy Spirit does for us.

Honey, no matter what life throws at us, I'm glad it is you He has placed by my side. And truly i WOULD marry you again.

Family Game Night

2009-11-28T15:35:00.000-08:00

Last week we decided to re-introduce family game night (such an original idea...right??) now that our youngest is in first grade. Well, we have created a monster!!

We chose Saturday night as the best night, and this morning my baby made this in the center of our living room.

Pray for us!!

A God That Whispers

2009-11-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

You know, He never, never, never ceases to amaze me. Especially when I least deserve it. You know the other day when that old song reappeared in my life and brought with it all the old familiar bittersweet emotions i will forever hold in my heart concerning my sweet daughter's passing away? Well, now i know why.

Believe it or not, my memories that i have on a daily basis of her are indeed happy. Perhaps her little brother will say something that will remind me of something silly she did, or really just about anything can easily bring a precious memory to mind. This is not a depressing thing at all, it is what i have until i see her again. I read once in a book that when our loved ones pass on, it's like they simply walked out of the room we're in and went into another. We can't see them anymore, but they are still there nonetheless.

I know that the position i hold on death is one that MANY do not understand, but it is mine and it is reality to me. This is a viewpoint that i did not arrive to from some sermon or book or even good idea. No this one i lived, and still continue to breathe it to this day. I knew it had moved from being a mere theory to my reality when my grandmother passed away 2 YEARS after my daughter. It continues to be my knee jerk reaction when I am informed of any believers passing. It is how i see the world, and i have my Lord to thank for it.

So back to a couple of days ago, when i heard the song and had a couple of sad days reminiscing with all these old emotions of loss, I asked God "why?". It's not her birthday, it's not the anniversary of her death, yes it's the holidays, and truth be told...i just chalked it up to that, but it was still a little out of the ordinary. Well, today i got a message from a sweet family we had the good pleasure of getting to know 3 years ago. They were the only family that actually stayed in our home while their son was undergoing treatment, a vision the Lord had given us in our hearts when we first moved to Memphis to be together while Bri went through her treatment. When Bri passed, so did our initiative, so the Lord made this tiny glimpse into a reality through another couple we were friends with. You can read that story here.

At any rate, this family that DID stay with us, worshipped with us and we had the pleasure of fellowshipping with, their son went home to be with the Lord last February. Dad found me on Facebook and well mom really wants to visit with me. I did not stay in contact with them, because I'm afraid of being a hindrance to any one's faith when they're believing for a miracle. I have been afraid that my story, my 'views' may make it seem like dying is really OK. I know what it's like to leave no stone unturned, and i think we have to do that for ourselves.

I won't bore you all with my 'mumbo jumbo', just suffice it to say...you know when God interrupts your day with something and you don't know why until a few days later?When He actually shows you the dots for you to connect? i love it when God does stuff like that.

Black Friday Burnout

2009-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

OK...i did it. i got up before the sun, joined the throngs of people getting sale items, and got home exhausted by 7 am, slept for a few hours, got up and played driving miss ....my kids everywhere they needed to be (and do) today, and i did not pass out because my God is great.

I had originally planned on a quiet day at home making tassels for the exciting giveaway day going on at The Shabby Chic Cottage beginning tonight at midnight. If you haven't checked it out yet, well get your little self on over there and join in on the giveaway fun she's hosting.Just click on the button in my sidebar. Who knows, you may walk away with loads of free goodies for gifts for the holidays? wouldn't that be sweet!!

Here's my pic for the day...

This is...you guessed it , my handsome airman son. I scanned and loaded his pic for family members at Thanksgiving yesterday. He wasn't able to come home, but a precious family did open their home to him for something called Project Thanksgiving.

I am so thankful for my family...you know what this guy put on my facebook wall??

"out of all the moms, in all the world..i got the best one."

this is something i tell my kids from as far back as i can remember, it's just so nice to have one of them tell me it back. Sweet!

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T10:51:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many other bloggers will have the same title for today's post??

So this year I am not making the traditional Cuban black beans and rice dish...my half sister ( a recent immigrant from Cuba) will be making them according to my sister. My nephew nearly fell out of his seat when i announced this the other evening that my brother was over. My brother then suggested i go ahead and make them anyways..in case something unforeseen happens like...i dunno...they don't like hers?? Instead i am making this:

traditional mashed potatoes!! there are a few family members that will be grateful, i know. I'm actually relieved to not be making so much this year seeings how i had surgery one week ago and I'm not 100% yet. so this is the pumpkin pie i will be taking:

i like to call this..pumpkin Ala Wal-mart pie!! I wasn't even going to make pumpkin rolls but my still living at home 20 year old son decided to make them last night with mom's guidance.

So back to the question that is probably burning in every one's mind that i have so nonchalantly disregarded as if this were an all-AMERICAN thing.....what the heck is so traditional about black beans and rice and what does it have to do with Thanksgiving?

Being from a Cuban family, we love, love, L.O.V.E. black beans and rice, sometimes called Congri, so in our little circle, turkey just doesn't taste the same unless ingested with a generous helping of black beans & rice. I'm sure we are not the only 'non' traditional traditionalists out here, so if there's something different your family does..i would love to hear about it!

And really do have a Happy Thanksgiving, whatever that happens to be for your family!

The End of the World

2009-11-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

A while back, i heard a song on a movie...i don't remember if it was at the end or what, but the haunting words seemed to hit a note inside my heart. It resonated with the bittersweet emotions i wrestle with concerning my daughter's death. It put to words a little of what it felt like to be in my shoes.

well..last night i heard it again and after so many years of trying to find it, i knew this was the song at the first note...it's :The End of the World by Nancy Sinatra.

Why does the sun go on shining

Why does the sea rush to shore

Don't they know it's the end of the world

'Cause you don't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing

Why do the stars glow above

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder

Why everything's the same as it was

I can't understand, no, I can't understand

How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating

Why do these eyes of mine cry

Don't they know it's the end of the world

It ended when you said goodbye

My Kids From Another Mother

2009-11-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

Today i took a couple of pics of the 2 most cute fellows living in my home

meet Teddy

We rescued him a year ago and put him in a crate under the Christmas Tree, classic, except he growled alot at Ian. He still has the red & white striped collars with 2 tiny jingle bells on it. I don't think he's quite forgiven us for that yet.Just kidding!! He's super loving and gentle.

I never noticed how funky my foot looks next to a dog.

Meet Rocky

One word comes to mind....spaz..as you can see he thought i was trying to play with him so this was the best pic I could get. He's my eldest's dog, an added bonus when he came home from school 2 summers ago.Now he's in the Air Force and Rocky is ours...for now.

this picture was kind of an oops, again Rocky thought we were outside to play, but now that I look at it...it reminds me of that segment on Conan where they do "what would their kids look like?"

My Real Life

2009-11-22T09:05:00.000-08:00

So this morning I got up with the intention of showing the world what my living room really looks like, i wish i could say occasionally, but truth is regularly....

You will notice, of course, the scraps of computer paper scattered all over...this is from my mini artist and the way he processes his days in the evening.

This is the different mediums he uses in his artwork: markers, pens, pencils,& crayons. His favorite medium would have to be the markers, because there's something delightfully permanent about where he uses them, even though he pleads with me that they are 'washable'.

Truth be told....it is my guilty secret pleasure that my kids ALL express themselves artistically.Like there is a little bit of their mom in each one...just like there's a bit of my dad left in me.

Daily Pics

2009-11-21T21:22:00.000-08:00

I am really bad about blogging here lately, so i've decided to try something new. Inspired by a website i came across recently. I will post at least 1 picture every day. Even something random from my life. Here you go:

this would be my six year old playing with my camera and taking a self portrait while everyone else was saying goodbye to my oldest son "the airman" in the background there. Obviously he has just eaten or played with markers, or messed around in the mud...thus the dirt on his face!

My Boudoir Part 2

2009-10-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

OK, back as promised...here are some additional pictures of my little haven that will hopefully give you a feel for my decorating style...at least in my bedroom. I notice it changes from room to room!

OK so in this picture you can see my fancy curtains that match my fancy hamper...oh wait, it is laundry day so pretend the hamper is NOT there..then there is yet another tassel hanging on my armoire. I'm SOOO obvious am i not....??

My marriage bed, you can't really tell in these pics, but my walls are not white, they are beige. Builder's beige actually, i was thinking about painting the whole room maybe half the green tone from my bedspread...whattathink? Oh... i made some of those luscious pillows. Makes you want to just jump into my bed, doesn't it? Before i move on, a word about my headboard. once upon a time my headboard had a groovy mirror in the center with really neat-o- glued- on metallic gold strips on either side of it. when this started looking a bit outdated i bought some great suede-like brown fabric, really thick batting, and just used a staple gun to secure it from behind. I'm thinking it may be time to update again. maybe some chic black...??

now my bathroom area...not so chic here. thinking maybe paint the cabinets? or remove them altogether and replace...i hope my husband doesn't read this...

and lastly my two most favorite things in my bedroom. On the left here is a wonderful jewel encrusted frame with the neatest quote that my dear friend gave me as a gift. On the right here are the flowers from my daughter's funeral that i dried and preserved in this glass thingamajigger. I had a little plaque with her name and dates on it made up at a trophy shop, but as you can see it does not wrap around the cylinder shaped glass. it has been 5 years and it is still beautiful.
Once again folks, thanks for letting me share..

My Boudoir

2009-10-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

Here's some pictures of my cool bedroom and the window treatment in there.

Yes that is a tassel hanging from my ceiling fan at the top of this picture!

So i found the 2 outer curtains at Ross and the color is similar to my bedspread, a sort of brownish green. I separated the valance from the panels and had to add a little extra fabric at the top of said panels so i could rehang them. The rust colored curtain i found for about a dollar a yard so i just made a couple of panel with them and this is also what i used at the top of the green outer panels. its concealed by the valance so i figured,'why not?' the sheers in the center i found for $5.00 a pair @ garden ridge. they're kind of crinkly, i love that.

then my absolute favorite part would be the beads that i got at JC Penney to go over the sheers. i love,love,love my window treatment.

Anyone who ever comes to visit always comment on my curtains. It really is love.....

Tomorrow I'll let you see the rest of my room, so stayed tuned!!

Jailhouse Rock

2009-10-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

well the drama continues....my son Josh was arrested Thursday for shoplifting and i have decided not to bail him out yet..it has been hell. He calls me several times a day crying and begging me to get him out. i just think he has to play by society rules like the rest of us. this has been my worst fear. I used to worry that since he kept trying to get away with stuff here at home, it would result in him landing in jail when he tries to pull that stuff as an adult. and here we are.
we are leaving wednesday to visit my oldest in san antonio and watch him graduate from the air force.
On a lighter note, i was thinking i would share with you all the window treatment in my bedroom. i was going to say 'my boudoir' but i'm not feeling that cool. at least i'm not eating everything in sight!

thanks for letting me share.

Oh...before i forget, i doing a giveaway on a sweet ladies blog starting tomorrow. it'll be customer choice so all you have to do is leave a comment telling which tassel you would like to win and one lucky person will get their wish!! here's her blog.

Lunch

2009-10-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

I had lunch today with my son Josh. It was pleasant, he looks good and he graduates from high school this year. I am proud of him and I continue to hold him up in prayer. i still have hope.

Monday, Monday

2009-10-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember that song from the Mama's and the Papa's? i remember the song, i just had to look up who sang it because i was a wee one when i heard it.

So i made a light box this weekend like someone suggested to me on one of the etsy forums i visited last week. i still need a big clamp on light for the top, so once i get that i'll be redoing all my pics in my shop and adding new ones.

I didn't get as much done this weekend as i would have liked because my gallstones acted up.

do i sound old or what?? at least my corns behaved themselves...hehe

i am finishing up a purse i am making for a dear friend and i hope to complete some tassels this week as well. i just need to watch what i eat.

my son Josh has called several times, and he's back to his "i want you to do this", "i need a ride to such and such" etc. i missed a couple of his calls on saturday, for which i feel really bad about, but i don't want to go down this path with him either, which is why i haven't called him back, i realized last night. i do feel back though because i don't want him to think i reject him altogether, so i will call him back tonight. i stayed up last night trying to remember when i had Josh at home and he was just josh. before he decided to take that alternate path. it has been a while.

so my oldest son, Sean, called last night and we got to talk to him for 13 minutes this time. I can't wait to visit him in 2 weeks. partly because i miss him, and partly because i can finally have my gallbladder removed when we come back! Ha!

here is my airman(as they refer to each other at boot camp)

isn't he a cutey patootey?!!